Broken
by Spacegirl
Summary: Lee's thoughts in a brief moment in his new life, post Daybreak. Inspired by the series and Lifehouse's "Broken" but most definitely not a songfic. One-shot.


Disclaimer: Obviously BSG the re-imagined series belong to their creators and not me. Post Daybreak setting.  
>This came to me while listening to Lifehouse's 'Broken'. Apologize in advance for any errors that I did not catch and hope that if you are reading this, then please enjoy and I hope it makes sense.<p>

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><p>The constant rhythm dulled his thoughts, just enough conscious thought coming through so he could complete the task before him. His life had always been filled with routine and order – a constant rhythm in place before coherent thought had the opportunity to take hold.<p>

He found that if he could no longer enjoy the air as he once did, then surrendering to constant heat would have to be the next best thing for his sanity.

It was here he allowed the memories to have the briefest moment of air from the depths of his mind. It was here he thought of that summer and her ultimate demise. Life completed a full circle, beginning and ending in flames.

His mind returned to his task, the constant motion and rhythm, ingrained purposefully into his body and mind, now trying to block out other surfacing thoughts.

He could block them out for the most part, but there were times where he could not and he dreaded those days.

He had hoped that this constant manual labor would eventually put an end to errant thoughts and desires but instead it fed the flames, allowing his dreams to become more lifelike.

He would awake in a sweat, finding himself praying that he would awake to find his dream reality, no longer encompassed by loneliness and finding his life had been nothing more than a mere nightmare. He would look around his lodgings looking for the confirmation that he was where he wanted to be and only to find he was were he had gone to sleep.

He would throw himself back onto the bed, hands over his face, trying to quell his heart's desire, only to rise in the end and begin to stoke the fire, letting the rhythm flow through him so he could forget and tire himself to exhaustion yet again.

So his life continued in flames and heat whereas hers ended in that way.

He found himself looking towards the stars, yearning for her return to him or his return to them. People found his choice of new profession odd, but he needed something to distract him, something to keep himself in shape as he could only run so far and for so long before he thought of his runs with her.

This rhythm had nothing to do with her, he was able to forget of her for enough time to survive and do a job. This job was something he never shared with her. Yet when he looked into the flames he would remember her exit from this life. Perhaps that was enough of a reminder, yet he knew he could never forget her, no matter how much he wished he could at times.

He would think of the events of his life up to this point. He would think of the family he could have had and the choices he should have made. He would think of how hard he tried to keep things together for them to fall apart in the end.

He knew as time dragged on he should want to continue living and exploring, but eventually he found it hard to do. Somewhere in the deep recess of his mind, he was still expecting her to walk up to him, saying, 'Hello,' with that smile, as if she were simply playing a game of hide and seek, only she had finally tired of how long it was taking him to find her.

He knew that that would never happen in this lifetime and somehow that feeling left him broken.

He wasn't as he once was and knew she was the only one who could fix this feeling of loneliness. At this moment he would accept watching her live her life with another man if he could just speak to her everyday as he once did.

Although he would never admit it to her or anyone else for that matter, the one-year where they did not speak was the quietest and saddest of his life. He may have married another and used his anger towards her as a reason enough to pretend he did not care, but when it came down to it, she haunted him at every turn.

He would dream of her as he laid beside his wife, when he would run through the ship's corridors, when he would visit the gym, and when he would look at the other ships on the deck.

He wanted nothing more than to forget about her, finally ceasing his morning runs and gym visits, just to not be reminded of her. Visits to the deck were done out of necessity and ones he would try to pass off to his XO, also his wife, so he did not have to look for her face, knowing she would not be among those there.

Leaving her behind had been hard, especially as she had finally talked to him for the first time in a year, only to ask for help for the man she left him for. He took some solace in knowing she was all right and joy at hearing her voice. But the hurt and anger he felt towards her asking for assistance, quickly shadowed whatever brief glimmer of happiness he felt at hearing her over the wireless.

Their enemies cut the conversation short, just as he was going to tell her off but then finally give into her request. He knew deep down he could never deny her anything and could not let her husband die – he did not know what happened the night before _she_ ran to him so they could be married.

Occasionally he would let his thoughts wander to what if he had awoken before she had. Perhaps that confrontation would have made the knowledge of her marriage less painful. But he would have fought her tooth and nails until she finally saw how he would do anything for her. He would have eventually made her see reason, even if that required him shouting his love for her to the heavens again.

He hated these thoughts of 'what-ifs' and decided to fight harder to silence them along with the sound of her laughter. He thought as time went on he would slowly begin to forget her smile, the way she smelled, her touch, and her voice when she said his name. But her presence in his subconscious and dreams was so strong, that he only remembered her better.

He knew that when she had told him her fear of being forgotten on that one drunken night so long ago, when he wanted nothing more than to take her to bed for himself, that he promised himself he would never forget a single thing about her.

And he found that no matter how much he wanted to break that promise to make his mind and life more bearable, her hold on him only became stronger.

Although he felt broken in his waking hours, he knew that in his dreams he felt absolute bliss and was whole.

It was only in those dreams he heard her banter and laugh where they soar through the sky, anticipating one another's moves.

It was the only time they could be free together and the only time of his life he looked forward to.

And he looked forward to the day when he would not wake up and would fly with her for eternity.


End file.
